Wondering/Praying

While the world waits for Terri Schiavo to finally die (or is it more accurate to say that we are waiting for her body to finally follow her dissassembled self?) I talked with a friend whose eight day old grandchild has been born with brain damage that means he will never have any function other than what the brain stem can support, basically breathing.The parents agreed to remove the breathing tube and held the shell of their longed for baby, cooing and stroking him. So far the breath has not left him.

One wonders what makes a self. When did Terri Schiavo's self leave? Did the tiny brain damaged infant who may never have had a thought, have a self? Is surrender of the self the hardest, most sacred task ever put before us? Is there some flaw in the design that death is the conclusion to life? And then there are the claims, questions and wonderings about what happens to the atoms and molecules that assemble into this self when the self disassembles.

At 65 my curiosity and wonder have overtaken my fears. Perhaps there are hormones and secretions that move us in that way as we approach our inevitable end.

Every day I pray, meaning I offer names and places in some silent vigil, for family, friends, our animals, our country and its leaders, and the nations our country is vexing, our enemies, terrorists, Osama bin Laden and the miserable dictator who has wrecked the beautiful country Zimbabwe. It seems to dent that despair the self sponsors when it faces its limits.